A Peek Behind the Curtain

Today has been rough; I’m so swamped at work it’s difficult to even find time to pee.

Making things even worse, I’m not in tomorrow, due to my mom’s first cataract surgery. Consequently, I’ve had trouble even thinking of what to write about today, much less actually get it done.

At any given time, I have so many things whirling around my head, the best way I can describe it is a pinball game gone amuck. (amuck, amuck, amuck, oof! Hocus Pocus FTW!)
You would think that would make writing easy, unfortunately it is very much the opposite.

Not only do I have to actually grab on to one of these thoughts, I have to carefully analyze it to make sure it’s something I can talk about without getting piled on by the internet (no small task, especially since I’m a woman), then organize it into something coherent enough for you lovely peeps to read and be able to make sense of.

All of that to say, today isn’t a day where that’s going to happen. Thankfully I have an appointment after work with my therapist, because I’m so frazzled right now my train of thought looks more like a Jackson Pollack painting.

I appreciate all of you for being interested in coming here and reading what Dissy and I come up with, and I’m definitely grateful to any of you who have waded through this mess today.

Gonna go in, get the old brain tuned up a bit, and tomorrow we’ll have WTF Friday, which is always fun.

Til Next Time,

Cent’anni Bitches!

Witchy Wednesday: Take 11

Batten down the hatches!! She’s here!!

Mercury Retrograde is here. Again. Sometimes it feels like Mercury forgets how to move forward normally, no sooner do we get out of one retrograde than it starts again. So, what does this actually mean, and why do we dread it so much? We’re about to tell you!

Barb –

Mercury rules over communication, so logically during retrograde that’s what gets totally screwed. And when communication goes bad, just about everything else does too, since clear communication is the foundation for anything we do.

Conventional wisdom holds that we should avoid major decisions and commitments during this time. No big purchases, accepting new jobs, signing contracts, and so on. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out that way, and sometimes you gotta do what you’ve gotta do. So how to avoid the gremlins messing everything up?

Firstly, I firmly believe a lot of the issues boil down to a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think everything is going to go haywire, so it does because every problem, no matter what it is, gets chalked up to retrograde. Take a deep breath and remember the first rule of being a person:

Shit happens.

Secondly, as with any other time, slow down and make sure you’re being clear in your own communications, and you fully understand what’s being communicated to you by others. A hefty chunk of life’s messiness comes from being in too much of a hurry to actually read that contract you’re signing, or double check that text message before you hit “send”, regardless of any astrological situations.

Being more aware will make your life easier every day of the year.

Dissy –

It’s funny. This retro started on the 16th, and I sat here and watched it explode on facebook.

I actually caught myself thinking, at some point this past month, that people were maybe calming down a smidge. I hadn’t seen anyone tell one of their family members or dear friends that they deserved to die a horrible death after watching their children get eaten by vultures just because he or she is for/against the orange man in the white house.

Then? February 16th hits. I see someone post something that, in my mind, couldn’t be more clear. “it sure is a beautiful day,” or something like that. Along comes someone else to go on an hour long tirade about how the person is a commie ass-licker who probably doesn’t vaccinate their kids.

What the shit, people?

I see retro as being similar to a full moon, only over a longer period of time. There’s an undeniable shift in energy, and, if you aren’t aware, you won’t know how to handle it, and it will fuck with you.

Personally, I like to look at Mercury retrograde as an opportunity to practice flexibility and patience. Old life themes have ways of popping back up, and, sometimes, that opportunity for a do-over is quite beneficial. Other times? not so much. Try to remember than an ex is an ex for a reason, and you really don’t need to tell him or her what a flaming pile of donkey shit he or she is that one last time.

Unless you enjoy chaos. If so? Have at it.

From what I’ve read, too, it depends on where we are in the zodiac during the retrograde. This Mercury retrograde is in Aquarius and Pisces. The Aquarius aspect could indicate petty squabbles and harsh words in friendships and romantic relationships. The Pisces aspect indicates that you may experience a tendency to fantasize or engage in daydreaming more than normal. This makes it a good time to persue creative endeavors.

Any way you slice the pie, just remember to breathe. Work on that patience and flexibility, and allow yourselves extra time for travel.

Cent’anni, Bitches!

WTF Friday: vol. 10

In my meanderings amongst the interwebz today, I came across a little blurb about White Castle doing Valentine’s Day dinners. Yep, that White Castle. The one known for suspiciously cheap mini burgers.

“honey, I’ve made reservations for us!”

Apparently, some locations have a whole setup with tableside service, flowers, and candlelight. And honestly? As silly as it sounds, I think it’s kind of cute. After all, if you read yesterday’s post (you DID read it, didn’t you? 😉) you know a big part of my dislike for today stems from the expectations. A low key “let’s get burgers and eat them by candlelight” date actually sounds like it would be fun.

Obviously, it’s not for everyone, if your partner is expecting something fancy, they probably aren’t going to be very happy with White Castle. Having said that, I think it’s a good option for people who are either unable or unwilling to spend an assload of money who still want to mark the occasion somehow.

What do you think Dissy?

Well, I am devastated to hear of this.

Why?

BECAUSE WHITE CASTLE HAS ABANDONED NORTHEAST OHIO!!!

Over on W. 117th street, there are the remains of a White Castle that is the first one I ever visited. Back in the stone age, or, 1980-something or other. It was at least ’85 because some of us in my crew could drive.

One evening, Mark, Danny, and I decided to set out on a road trip to find this White Castle and check out these burgers we had been hearing about. If I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure Danny is the one who first heard of it in some rap song.

Teen-aged Dissy.

I’m pretty sure, too, that this was the first time we had all ventured out of the Akron area without a “responsible” person with us. Not that we ever actually had “responsible” people with us.

Anyhow, I digress. Lucky for us that gas was so inexpensive back then because we ended up coming up to the Castle at every opportunity. Two cheeseburgers and an order of deep fried clams is (or would be), to this day, my standard order.

In 1987, they finally brought one to Akron (Cuyahoga Falls, really), and, lucky for me, it was in the same plaza that I worked in. Lunch anyone? For as inexpensive as they were, I sure did spend an ungodly amount of money there.

So, if there was still a White Castle around here, I would beg for a date to take me there for Valentine’s Day. I would rather have White Castle to spark romance than anything fancy or contrived. I’m not sure I could be more in love with this idea if I tried.

I’d say if you want to know whether your love is true or not, you really should take him or her on a White Castle Valentine’s Day date. If they look at you like you’re the lowest piece of shit in the known universe, dump ’em. If they look at you like you are the best thing since the invention of cheese, keep ’em.

Make sure, though, that you hurry home for other types of fun before White Castle works the other kind of magic they are known for…

Cent’anni, Bitches!!

Why I Hate Valentine's Day

Maybe hate is too strong a word, but “Why I find Valentine’s Day irritating and ignore it as much as humanly possible” seemed way too long for a title.

I’m sure some of you are looking forward to tomorrow, and that’s fine. Definitely not judging anyone who enjoys Valentine’s Day. I just don’t happen to be one of them.

When I was a kid back in the 80s, we would give out the little cartoon cards every year, but back then there was no “everyone or no one” rule to avoid hurt feelings. You got cards from your friends, and that was it. So, it turned into more of a popularity contest, where your value as a person corresponded directly to how many of those cheapo Rainbow Brite and Care Bears wound up in your shoebox.

Fast forward to high school, and the school would sell these carnations that you could have delivered to your friend, boy/girlfriend, crush, or whatever. Again, the popular kids would be walking around with whole bouquets while the rest of us got one, if we were lucky.

It would be reasonable to assume once I started dating The Ex, in my junior year, things would get better and the day would no longer suck. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. Every holiday was a Big Fucking Deal with him in the worst possible way.

I figured out after a while that every holiday was a minefield, and it wasn’t a matter of if he would blow up, but when and how many times. Nothing I did was good enough, and it was never going to be. No matter what gifts I got him, how carefully selected,
or how much I spent it wasn’t enough.

You would also be forgiven for thinking he must go way over the top with the gifts he got me, since his standards were stratospherically high. He did not. While I was
getting screamed at for the unacceptable nature and number of things I did for him, I was also getting screamed at for my ingratitude because I wasn’t gushing enough over the cartoon panties he couldn’t even be bothered to wrap.

There are no words to describe the level of relief I felt when Jay and I got together, and he said he had no interest in Valentine’s Day. When tomorrow rolls around, we’ll be doing the exact same thing we would on any normal Friday, and I’m thrilled.

He never leaves the house without giving me a kiss goodbye and telling me he loves me. If he sees something I might like, he just gets it, regardless of whether or not a Gift Giving Occasion is coming up. And I do the same for him.

I have no interest in waiting three hours for a table to eat out somewhere. I
don’t want overpriced flowers that will be dead in two days. And I absolutely don’t want my marriage being defined by a specific date on the calendar. As Jay said years ago, “I don’t need a designated holiday to demonstrate that I love you.”

I dunno… if someone gave me this bear, I’d probably have to marry him.

So, if you have plans to do All the Things tomorrow, because it matters to you, I hope you have a wonderful time and everything goes how you’re imagining it. As for me, I’ll be on the couch in pajamas watching tv with my love.

Until next time…

Cent’Anni Bitches!

Witchy Wednesday: Take 10

What is a “book of shadows”? Do you keep one, and what do you put in it?

A book of shadows is a book that Witches use to document spell work, rituals, recipes for potions, and, really, any information the witch feels is useful to his or her practice. Some witches make their own book of shadows, some buy a blank journal, and still others have made the leap into the age of technology, and they record all their information on a computer.

I use a simple, black, blank journal. I have tried, and I seriously lack the talent to make an actual book. Now, you can also buy a pre-made blank book of shadows that is made to look all “other worldly” right in your local witchy shop. I went the very basic route and got mine at Target. Four dollars on clearance made me happier than a pre-made fifty dollar book that wasn’t exactly what I wanted. I can decorate this one any way I choose, or I can leave it with just the black cover it came with.

In mine, I record rituals I create, I make notes about rituals I attend that someone else created, I stick odd things within the book’s pages, like a slip of paper someone wrote instructions on for a ritual or spell, I write about important messages received in either a dream or a reading, and I write about special times that resonate with my witchy soul, for example, I documented the time that Barb and I encountered ghostly activity at a cemetery.

If you’re in a coven, each individual witch may have his or her own book, and there will likely be a coven book. Responsibility for the coven book is usually given to the priest or priestess.

One thing Barb and I did was we started a book of shadow for her daughter to give her as a thirteenth birthday gift. We included all the 101 basics Barb refers to below, and we left plenty of space for her to make it her own.

At the end of the day, your book of shadows is every bit as personal as the rest of your craft. It is not required to be any one thing or another.

How about you, Barb? What are your thoughts and practices regarding a book of shadows?

I handle my book of shadows pretty similarly.

At first, I had bits and pieces scattered through several notebooks, but, as you know, disorder makes me twitchy, so I got an inexpensive, blank book and started putting things together.

Unfortunately, there are some things from my earliest witchy days that have been lost, so it’s not a complete record. I have rituals, notes about various experiences, some drawings that I felt needed to be included, and small souvenirs.

I also feel like it’s a good idea to put a “101 section” in the front, with basic things like correspondences and holidays. You’d be surprised how often something simple like what colors go with the East slide right out of your head.

Other than that, go forth and create whatever kind of book speaks to you. It’s almost impossible to screw it up, and besides, worst case scenario you can start over.

Cent’anni, Bitches!

WTF Friday: Vol. 9

Warning: this blog would make it seem like Barb and I are mocking the trauma of sexual assault, and that is not our intent. Please bear in mind that this “news” story came from a tabloid and is, likely, either grossly exaggerated or completely false.

Sorry, Florida. You do not get to be in the spotlight this week.  Nope… you are losing out to my other favorite batshit state. Yep. This week’s dose of #whatthefuckiswrongwithyoupeople comes to you courtesy of The Lone Star State. 

79 people.

Seventy. Nine.

Seventyfuckingnine.

Dude… Prolific much?

Apparently, over the last 40 (FORTY!!!) years, across the states of Texas, California, Nevada, and New Mexico, this fine specimen of a “human being” would get stoned on LSD or PCP, put on an alien costume, kidnap people, and sexually assault them.

According to the article, one of his favorite places to haunt was a location near Area 51 in Roswell, New Mexico. You know, where all the alien/UFO hunters like to hang out hoping for a glimpse of extra-terrestrial activity.

It further says that, in order to confuse his victims, he had modified the inside of his truck to look like the inside of an operating room while, (and don’t forget this part) WEARING A DAMN ALIEN COSTUME.

What the hell kind of truck was he driving?? I mean, you’re going to need at least some room to maneuver around and to make it look like an operating room. Was it a standard pick-up? A van? A box truck? A tractor trailer? Why do these articles never tell us the shit we REALLY need to know? Tractor trailers are NOT cheap, so I’d imagine this may have been done while he was hauling cargo. I’m confused about the logistics. But, never mind that, for now.

Here is my favorite part:

He had even created his own sex toys designed to look like alien tools and medical instruments.

I… uh… 

Let me turn this over to Barb. Otherwise, I may end up commandeering the post today, and I have to remember to share.

Have at it, Barb!!

Holy. Fucking. Shit. There are no words…. I mean, there are plenty of words but not coherent ones.

me too, Barb. Me too.

Seventy-nine victims over the course of forty years?! How is it possible that he wasn’t caught sooner? Were his victims too ashamed to report what had happened? I can’t imagine a guy high out of his goddamn mind wearing AN ALIEN COSTUME would be difficult to spot. Then again, maybe there are a lot of people dressed like that in Roswell, I don’t know. (Dissy; I think they probably did report it as an alien abduction and not as a sexual assault).

Also, is it weird that I’m really curious what this guy thinks “alien tools and medical instruments” look like? Is there some connection between the drugs, and the belief that aliens perform surgery via dildo? Do we have pictures of them? There absolutely should be pictures. (Dissy: I am sad to report that, no, we do not have pictures of these “alien” sex toys, but I do think Pure Romance needs to get their asses in gear and make this happen).

That’s what she said…

And I really want to know more about this truck. It can’t be a regular pickup, Jay used to drive pickups and no way is there room for any of that mess. I have this mental image of the windowless pedo van. What does this guy’s drug addled brain think an operating room looks like?

The more I think about it, the more questions I have.

I tried looking to see if there was any more info out there, but didn’t have any luck, which puzzles me. How do you not write all the things about something like this? So Texas, you win the prize for whatthefuckery this week!

I just wanted to look at David Duchovny

Dissy really feels like Mulder and Scully should have been brought in on this.

Enjoy your weekend, folks!

Cent’anni, Bitches!

Down Time

Barb here. I’m currently sitting at work unable to get anything accomplished because our server has crashed. So here I am, writing this out and listening to an episode of Homicide Hunter.

It fascinates me just how intensely uncomfortable I get in situations like this. Most people would sit back, enjoy the down time, and wait to see how long it takes to get fixed. For whatever reason, I can’t seem to do that. I’m sitting here right now, thinking about what I’m supposed to be doing, and I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself.

I suppose that’s a metaphor for my entire life. I spend so much time wrapped up in endless to-do lists, so when I am presented with an opportunity to chill for a little bit, I have no idea how to do it.

Do we need to get you some of these?

My therapist and I were talking at my last session about my paid vacation time at work, and how I use almost all of it each year on doctor appointments for my family. He asked me the question, “Let’s say you had all your time off to yourself. No obligations, no responsibilities, just an entire month to do whatever you want. What would you do?”

I had no answer for him.

Why does this broad have one horn?

The truth of the matter is, I’ve never even let myself think about it. The idea of taking time off just for some me time is about as comprehensible as moving to the moon.

Hopefully, although I have a lot of work to do on myself, I’m getting there. Also, we were just told to go ahead and take lunch, so I’m going to go eat now.

Until Next Time….

Cent’anni Bitches!