In my wanderings among the interwebz today, this jumped out at me:
Dad ‘fuming’ at baby’s toy that looks like a ‘big pink penis’
Now, I’m very familiar with toy designs that can turn out a bit…. suggestive
So of course, I clicked on the story immediately, you know, for science. Apparently, this baby was given a set of teething toys as a gift, and Dad freaked the fuck out and took one of them away from her, because he said it looked like she had a wang in her mouth. Fortunately, the story included a picture of the offending toy, unfortunately it looks like this
Are you kidding me right now dude? The problem here isn’t the toy. It’s a perfectly normal toy. The problem is you. To get so worked up that you snatched a toy away from your infant daughter, and ranted to a news site about it, because you have a dirty mind, is batshit fucking crazy.
Is he going to be one of those fathers who won’t allow his daughter to eat things like ice cream cones and bananas when she reaches toddlerhood, because it’s too phallic? Calm down dude, you have a really long way to go, and plenty of actual things to worry about.
What do you think Dissy?
Well, I think we would have made this connection ourselves if we had seen this toy without the related article attached. You know very well that, on “drunk in Dissy’s kitchen” night, we could have come across this on some random website and we would have laughed our asses off. Don’t deny it. You KNOW we would. Especially the upside down picture.
It does look kind of like a dong. Not enough to make me take it away from my kid, but definitely enough to make me giggle for a few minutes.
I’m not even sure I’d report this to the news either because then they may take it off the market, and then I couldn’t buy it for shower gifts.
But… wait… this is a teething toy?? Why the fuck are we giving babies cloth to chomp on? Does formula not have enough fiber? I mean, last I checked, babies aren’t lacking in the poop department… Furthermore… How gross is it to find a soggy toy lying around? Just… ewww…
Anyhow, I think dad isn’t having the proper amount of fun with this. He kind of has a stick up his ass, and he’s reminding me of my ex, who, back in the ’90s refused to let me play Elton John and George Michael’s remake of “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” in front of Tony.
Why? I’m so glad you asked.
Because he was (and probably still is) an idiot who thought they were saying “Don’t Let Your Son Go Down On Me,” and, in his overblown idiotic opinion, this was pedophilia.
I mean, Barb, we are GenX’ers. If there is perversion (the harmless kind (and, yes, there is such a thing)) or innuendo to be found, we, the generation who never quite grew up, are going to find it. It’s just a matter of what we do with the generally filthy minds we possess. It’s one thing for us adults to notice these things and giggle about them amongst each other. It’s quite another for us to project those upon our children. I feel like this is what makes dad a little over the edge here.
I feel like he can stick the dong toy up his ass. Not because he noticed, but because of how he acted about it. Handing your child an actual vibrator to chew on is inappropriate (at the bare minimun). Noticing that your child’s toy vaguely resembles something and that something causing fits of giggling between yourself and your ADULT friends? That’s something else entirely. Especially since I’m certain the last intention of the toy makers was to send this out into the market. pfft… dude… get a clue.