WTF Friday: vol. 6

What’s that Smell?

For those of you who’ve been paying attention, I’m sure you just knew we’d have to talk about this mess:

Gwyneth Paltrow Sells ‘This Smells Like My Vagina Candle’ On Goop Site

is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Goop has been THE place for overpriced, batshit crazy stuff that no reasonable person would have thought existed, but we’re on a whole new level here.

Apparently, the candle smells like geranium, bergamot, cedar, damask rose and ambrette seed.

Setting aside the fact that it should not take an entire paragraph to explain the scent of a candle, Gwyneth, your twat does not smell like this. No one’s twat smells like this. It sounds like what someone who has never been near a human vagina might think they’re supposed to be like.

And the best (worst?) part. This thing is SEVENTY-FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS!!

Personally, I’ve pretty much given up on humanity, what about you Dissy?

My biggest question, Ms. Paltrow, is “does your vag smell that good, or that bad?” To me, that’s not necessarily a combination that’s going to smell wonderful. I am, however, willing to be wrong, but I’m thinking “over-priced shit-stain” would be a more suitable name.

I think, however, we oughtn’t speculate on Gwyn’s vag. We don’t know. Maybe it does smell like that. Maybe the teenage boys should coin a new phrase. When I was a youngster, it was “you smell like fish.” Maybe now, it could be “you smell like Gwyneth Paltrow.”

I’d probably buy a candle with that label just because I find it amusing, but seventy-five fucking dollars? No. What the hell are people thinking spending this kind of money on a goddamn candle? Me? I’d have gone for the jade egg.

This is a much better value at 39.99.

Until next week, folks!

Cent’anni, Bitches!